One year I got the Ultimate Warrior, Ravishing Rick Rude, and Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty, which formed the tag team The Rockers. I remember it like it just happened. Rick Rude wore purple pants and would put you in The Rude Awakening. The Ultimate Warrior wore green trunks and was equipped with the Ultimate Smash. He had a little lever on his back that would allow him to spring up with his smash, pink arm tassels and all. I can’t tell you how many times I wrapped neon shoe laces around my arms and went pumping my biceps around the house, shaking my body on the couch like I had a hold of the ropes of a wrestling ring, flexing as hard as I could and headbanging like I was lead for Motley Crue. The Rockers were the real deal and gave me plenty of motivation to run through the house and jump off the couch and elbow drop my little sister. I used to put her in the Scorpion Death Lock all the time. She didn’t mind.

Another year I got Beetlejuice toys and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bean bag chair. Man, that thing was great. It was green and white and had all the turtles on it. I sat in that thing for years playing Sega Genesis on an old Emerson tube tv. Many a day I’d jump out of the chair and rip the entire Sega console off the TV and throw it at the wall. Then whirl my controller like a lasso and swing it at the wall. NBA Live 95 was a great game, and it pissed me off. Beetlejuice came with his own car. It was a purple convertible with a skeleton bullhead on the front. I taped my Walkman to the car so Beetlejuice could have a sound system. I would play Vanilla Ice and cruise the house with The Ultimate Warrior and Shawn Michaels rolling deep in the entourage.

Another year I got JNCO jeans and a couple South Park shirts that had cuss words on them from Gadzooks. Those were my most stylish days out of any time in my life. Airwalk shoes and a chain wallet deep in that back pocket. 25-inch leg openings so you couldn’t see my shoes, pants dragging the ground all frayed up at the end, and a zippo lighter in my front pocket to light stuff on fire. If the pants ain’t draggin, don’t be braggin’. Gadzooks was the Sistine Chapel of stores for teenagers. A masterpiece with a graphic tee wall and a section of the coolest stickers to put on your bike and skateboard. No matter what I was always ready for the skating rink on Friday night!

I got a Murray Flexor one year. Still the best bike I ever had, and that includes my GT Performer and Dyno Air. Probably the best gift I ever got for any Christmas. It had shock absorbers on the front for a smooth ride.

This year I’ve asked for a skateboard. I don’t currently have medical insurance, so that’s a situation. It kicks in January first, so I’ve got seven days where I can break my arm and not be able to get help. Anyone know of a good do-it-yourself cast option? Maybe home remedies for pain relief? Or how to put a shoulder back in place? I haven’t been on a skateboard in about 16 years, and I am 80-pounds heavier. Spending my life in a wheelchair is a real possibility.